Remember that stupid science fiction movie, "Dune"? How stupid of me to have not know until recently that, that movie was based on a series of science fiction novels. The hero, whatever his name was, went somewhere in his drug state that women were afraid to go. If that whole movie wouldn’t have been so sexist, it would have been funny, maybe that is why I remember it. I think the author was jealous, we have been to that place, and men aren’t allowed in.
Perhaps men fear our sexual intensity. That could explain why all current major religions teach our desires, our almost unquenchable sexual hunger is equated with evil. May I point out that in all of those religions, men wrote the books. It also explains why in some cultures, the genitalia of young girls are so mutilated that their ability to give her pleasure is destroyed. I suppose they would do the same to these girls breasts if they weren’t needed to suckle their male prodigy, not to mention the fact that men find our breast sexually stimulating.
If that sounds anti male to you so be it, but I’m not the one doing or teaching these things, men are!!!! My own church, Roman Catholic, taught for years that women were more likely to fall under satin’s influence because of the intensity of our orgasms, along with their frequency. Not only did these men teach we were mentally weaker because of this, but we were inherently evil do to our god given ability to feel more pleasure doing sex then they were. The Muslin religion, which originally taught the equality of women, has been so perverted by men, it now teaches that women are at best second class.
Most of us in the western world do have some semblance of equality, although we’re not yet treated as equal, but men did not give that to us, we fought for that. In America women have had the right to vote for less then 82 years. Did men intend to give us equal rights, did men write that in our constitution, no they did not, it took a constitutional amendment to give us the right to vote. Did men wake up one day saying, "we’ve been so wrong women need the right to vote," of course they didn’t, we had to protest, we had to fight, and when push came to shove many women just told their men, "Vote no and your voting yourself out of my bed."
Did any of you know that less then 150 years ago in most of the United States women did not even have the right to inherit. You were dependent on your husband, upon his death you were just shit out of luck. Do you really want to trust your freedom to a gender that couldn’t even see the need to protect his loving wife after his death. Have men changed that much, open your eyes look around the world.
Maybe I do have some anti male bias, but shouldn’t we all, shouldn’t we be on our guard, though out history men have subordinated us. Look around the world women as a whole are not given equality. Yes, that is changing, but it’s changing only because women have demanded it, not because men have given it to us, quite the contrary, they’ve been drug by the scruff of their necks screaming and yelling all the way. If facing reality is being a man hater then I guess that label fits me. If on the other hand loving some men, having male friends counts for anything the label just doesn’t fit.
Continuing on, I believe we are much less driven by the need and desire for sex then men are. I assume that is due mostly to the differences in hormones. Although once we have experience really great sex, our sexual desires become a bigger component in our lives. At times it can be the force that drives us. Great sex for most of us takes more then just a great lover, we also have to overcome all of these other issue. Morality, the image of the good girl, the acceptance of our bodies, along with others fostered on us by our parents, ours churches and the societies we live in. For us even the ability to have an orgasms seems to be something we have to learn.
My opinion is the biggest of these obstacles is that awful image of the good girl. An image forced upon us at a very early age. For what ever reason we’ve been taught that boys/men won’t control themselves, if we don’t do so then we are theirs for the taking. We are told sex is some how connected to love, sex without love is wrong. Why is it men aren’t taught that?
For most of us control means more then saying no. When we’re young just learning about sex we learn to say no by learning to control, even suppress, our desires and passions. To have really great sex we need to relearn, we need to be able to let go, live for the moment, learning to let our desires, passions and arousal’s control our bodies instead of our minds. That isn’t about submitting to anything or anyone other then ourselves.
In a way the false belief, sex in a component of love, can actually diminish our desire for the sexual if our partner isn’t treating us the way we need to be treated. Of course that very lack of sex drive, and the lack of having sex, drives us further apart, further diminishing our desire for sex. If our partner happens to be driven by a desire for sex, most men fit, some women, they resent not having sex, that resentment drives us further apart. A vicious circle isn’t it. I’ll state here that I haven’t found any men like this. They can grow to hate us but give them a chance and they well have sex with us. We do that, we are guilty of it. What is the solution, why are some of us more driven to have sex then others?
In any relationship gone bad, a point is reached that no matter how sexual you are your desire for sex with him/her drops to near zero but I tend to think that for most of us that point happens to soon. Even in good relationships we tend to shut off to soon. I don’t think we do that as punishment, men seem to think we do, it’s in our nature to not feel sexually about our lover when things go wrong. Does that seem contradictory, on one hand I say we’ve been brain washed to believe sex is about love and then on the other I say it’s natural to lose the desire for sex when things are not right in our love relationships. Not in the least, if we just look at the purely sexual, then it’s just that one person we don’t want to have sex with. I think that is born out by the fact that most women who do cheat, do so at times when things aren’t right with their partner. The desire for sex is still there, but it just takes another person to kindle it.
Sex could hold us together, giving time to work out our problems, but what happens most of the time is not having sex drives us apart faster. I know that was so during my first marriage. I resented him being gone, I resented not being his number one priority, yes I wanted and expected to be the center of his world. I resented him not paying attention to me, but he resented my coldness, my unwillingness to be touched sexually. I don’t blame him, he’d be gone for up to a week at a time, I’m sure he missed me and he was also very horny, that is natural. I’d missed him just as much, in fact I was also horny, I desired his touch, but we had problems. I resented not dealing with our problems, he resented my coldness, he’d get angry because of the lack of sex and clam up. I’d get madder because he wouldn’t talk to me. The madder I got the less I wanted sex, the less I wanted sex the more withdrawn he became.
I loved that man more then any man I ever loved, I’m sure as much as I’m capable of loving a man, but I shut off sooner then I did with any other man I had a relationship with since. Why? Because the sex just wasn’t that great. Doesn’t that sound just awful. Your partner has to know how to make love to you and then care enough to do so. He didn’t know how to, he did care, we both needed to try harder and learn more. If anything I was the more experienced lover, I’d been with a number of men, his experience with other women was limited, exactly one other.
That should have meant I could have taught him. But I didn’t know how to teach him to pleasure me. To me, I suppose because of my childhood, I didn’t think of sex as pleasure, I thought of it as a way to please men. I know my childhood was not normal, but I also know that many women are brought up to please rather then to be pleased. Not just sexually, but in all things. There is something terrible wrong with that, the giving of ourselves should never be a duty. We do take care of our loved ones, by our very nature we nurture those we love but that should be a gift not an obligation. |
